Friday, August 26, 2011

How We Prepare ...Hurricane Irene!!!

As if we haven't already felt enough of Mother Nature's wrath with the 5.9 earthquake this past Tuesday. And to all of our West Coast listeners, followers and fans, I know you are still giggling and pointing the finger but for those of us who have never experienced an earthquake, it was MAJOR! It took down a yogurt cup for goodness sake! I mean, we are in Washington, DC ...we don't get earthquakes around here. At least we can brag now that we are, "earthquake survivors." But as if that wasn't a significant enough event, there's now the looming threat of Hurricane Irene, making landfall this weekend! I mean really, is Mother Nature that mad at us for not recycling, for just spitting our gum out wherever instead of disposing of it properly ...I mean what's the deal? So needless to say, folks are posting and tweeting "Hurricane Preparedness Lists", every second. And while we understand the importance, we are tweaking things just a bit to ensure we got all that we need. And so we've added just a few more items:

Prepare a script of what to say when you call in Monday morning to your Boss to let him/her know you won't be in. (Be sure to input words that will further convince and justify your needing to take off. Be sure to have a comeback when your Boss says, "the sun has been shining all weekend.")

To heck with those candles from the colonial days. Visit Bath and Body Works and take advantage of the 3 for $5 deal. Stock up! Not only will you set the mood and create a nice aesthetic but you will also have a great aroma which will likely be very necessary. If you are burning candles, your electricity is likely shot and the scent of spoiling food and sewage filled toilets, is not pleasant.

Alcohol, Alcohol, Alcohol ...we can't say it enough. We don't want to suggest any particular brand or drink recipe. Just get A LOT ...of alcohol and be prepared to sip good if things get bad. If you drink enough, you will care less about high gusting winds and your house toppling down all around you.

Sex Toys – You should already have a plethora of these anyway so shouldn’t require you making a mad dash to your local sex store. If you don’t have a collection, that’s another issue. Some may be thinking this only applies to single ladies but NOOOOOOO ...If you are living "Tales of Singledom", and riding Hurricane Irene out by yourself, than ok. But for those of you “bunned up” with your hubby or your boyfriend or whatever, you still might require stimulation too. Cause while you are all good, your man might be crouching down in the corner, screeching at every gust of wind. Men don’t take natural disasters well. So ladies you just might have to please yourself. Be prepared. (We know that you know what sex toys look like so no pictures included)

A Man - He's really needed moreso pre-hurricane. Have him move all your outdoor furniture inside. Have him go gas up the car. Bring in the bottles of alcohol. After that, he can scat!

Batteries - You will need them to ensure those sex toys keep a running.

Food - Just have an abundance of chocolate and treats and sweets. That's really all we crave as women when things are awry.

Games - Board games that is! If you have a family, you will already be gathered together in your candle lit basement. Why not pull out those games that have been sitting on your shelf collecting dust since Wii burst onto the scene. And keep in mind that you will surely be "winning" cause kids nowadays don't know nothing bout Monopoly, Checkers, Candy Land and Hungry, Hungry Hippo. They are too dang computer literate!

Let us not forget the adult games. We know you remember those college games when you were sitting in your dorm bored and broke. You will already have your favorite drink handy (check previous tip), so why not play Quarters, good ole truth or dare, ummmm can you say Spin the bottle!

Water ...well who needs it. If you got alcohol by your side, to heck with water ...and a man.

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For further information regarding Hurricane Preparedness, visit Ready America. Stay safe!!!